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 Alaskans
are the second highest per capita consumers of Spam® in the
United States. The only state that eats more Spam® is Hawaii.
Spam® is like Alaska's only
Congressman Don Young. Everyone makes fun of him, but he always
wins by a landslide even though no one will ever admit voting
for him. That's the story with Spam®. Nobody will admit eating
it, but somebody is out there buying over 2,000 cans a day
in Alaska.
All we do at The Fly By Night
Club is serve Alaskans what they like most. There's usually
Spam® on our menu, but sometimes we wipe it off! Spam® is legendary
stuff. You don't describe it. You don't discuss it. You don't
explain it. You just FEEL it. It's like the thump of a rock
and roll bass drum. It's got the power to go right through
you. Duke Ellington said, "If you gotta ask, you ain't
never gonna know." People thought he was talking about
jazz. They were wrong.
 Spam®
is everywhere in Alaska. Rich Owens was a member of the team
which breaks trail for the Iditarod Sled Dog Race. They're
alone, freezing in the wilderness on snowmobiles for almost
two weeks. They discovered that if you wire a can of Spam®
to your exhaust manifold, you have a perfectly prepared hot
meal in 50 miles.
Sabo is a berserk Alaskan artist. He's also
a Hungarian, which means he can grow a great mustache in record
time. The only problem is, you never know where it's going
to come out! Sabo once applied for a state arts grant to put
several hundred small sculptures on trees beside remote fishing
streams throughout Alaska. Each would be a red box with a
glass door and a little brass hammer on a chain. Inside the
box was a can of Spam® for emergency use by a fisherman who
got skunked.
The great Eskimo artist, Joe Senungetuk comes
from the village of Wales. He tells of winter walrus and seal
hunting trips with his Dad and his Uncles in a traditional
walrus skin boat when he was a kid. The only food they took
out on the icy Bering Strait was Spam® and Pilot Bread. They
took Spam® because it DOESN'T FREEZE."
Statistics don't lie. We once figured it out--if
you laid the Spam® served in one year at The Fly By Night Club
end to end, it would reach from the kitchen to the Magic Carpet
Ride Massage Parlor almost a mile away. If you unrolled all
the toilet paper used by the bar, it would reach almost to
The Portage Glacier. The conclusion is simple, and should
be applied to your weekly shopping. You will need 43.2 miles
of toilet paper for every mile of Spam® you buy!
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